On Purpose

This has been a fantastic day. To give a quick recap, the day started with a search for a cozy spot on the beach to pray, read, and reflect. I understand that not everyone would prefer to sit on a sandy beach to do such things, but being able to brings such a connection to God for me. For my short stint in Los Angeles, I would often take the time to sit out on the quiet beaches in Malibu Canyon and simply be. After some time alone on the beach, I met up with mom and dad and spent more time on the beach. The air was warm and breezy but the sun blasted down – a perfect combination. It’s too chilly at this point for any activity in the water, but with the weather we had today, I don’t mind. Later in the day, the parents and I went to a great Mexican restaurant for dinner. It’s actually a spot we went to six years ago when I wasn’t fond of Mexican food but after having their chicken enchiladas back then, everything changed! (I got them again tonight and they were just as good as the first time.) This evening we spent some time playing games and laughing.

I realized this morning as I packed a bag and headed out for the beach that God wants each of his own to embrace the way he designed us. I think sometimes I try to be this man who confidently and fearlessly embraces the world and tries to make it better in some way (on my own) but this morning it became clear that I can stop trying and start accepting that God desires the same and has created me that way. I guess I fantasize about this person I want to be or think I’m supposed to be but the truth is, it’s not a fantasy, it’s reality. And instead of always putting forth my own failed efforts, I can begin to live this way on purpose. I was reading through the book on John and everything Jesus did was intentional. I want to live the same way. I want to live a life on purpose, and today I got one step closer to doing that.

My thoughts lately have been focused on why I am where I am, and how I ended up there. I’ve been going through the motions and nothing has felt authentic anymore. Today I figured out that I still haven’t dealt with certain anger and letdowns from four years ago. Since then, this unsettling, wandering spirit has only grown more intense. While realizing a core issue is helpful, it isn’t the solution. However, I completely believe that as I begin to address these things, as I’ve done with many other problems, peace will ultimately come. When it does, clarity and new direction will be waiting for me. Live on purpose.